Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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