you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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