I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
