Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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