he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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