Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Randomize