Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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