My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
