when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
