Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
