My hand turned me down
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Randomize
