I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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