whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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