she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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