it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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