do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Panties = found
Randomize
