I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
It was confusing and full of hummus
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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