wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
