no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
