Nicole vs. Life
barbara walters just said penis...
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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