You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
