Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
