Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Randomize
