dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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