Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
this is an emotional support booty call
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
