nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
im calling her cock vulture from now on
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
