i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
