you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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