When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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