I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
