well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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