some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
