Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
either way he was missing a nipple.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
