When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
