All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
he was CRYING into my vagina
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
