She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
