I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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