Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
