bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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