apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
