no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
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