tell your sister to shave her snatch
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
