need another drink. this is the easiest way
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
