You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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