a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
