"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
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