she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
