i think my tv is drunk
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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