You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
