i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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