I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
