Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
