Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
