Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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