I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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