So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
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I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
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I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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