I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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