I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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