mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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