I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
