between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
